You Don’t Know What You’ve Got Until It’s Gone


>>You don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone<<, everyone has heard this line before, right?

As naïve as I was, I always thought myself as one of those persons people wouldn’t give that line as a lesson to, because in my mind I thought I knew how to value the ones around me and the things I have.

How wrong could I be?

That day when I called her up and told her the truth…

No… it wasn’t even the whole truth. I just told her a tiny part of the truth and a whole bunch of other lies. But I was so scared to tell her what the hell was on my mind; I didn’t even know myself what I was thinking. I told her that at the end of the 9th grade and the schoolyear was just over. I wanted to start all over again, have a clean start in 10th grade.

During the summerholiday I was afraid.. afraid of losing my friend. Actually, I originally wanted to keep two of my friends. The others didn’t matter to me, but along the way I somehow realised I’ve already lost one; I went too far with this game and with the lies. I didn’t know what the other one was thinking, but I was determined to make it all better; for me and her.
I remember learning how to fold those origami heart-shapes with wings. Someone once said to me that if I’d make 1000 of those with my wish written inside the hearts, my wish would be granted. I never got to 1000.. instead I made only 50, for two reasons:

  • One, because I thought that when you truly want and mean something, maybe even one heart would be more than enough. And I meant it deeply, more than I have ever thought I would because of someone.
  • Two, because I wanted my wish to be granted as soon as possible. I didn’t have time to make 1000 of them, because I could lose them any minute.

“Don’t let me lose my two friends” was written inside those fragile hearts made out of paper. I cycled to the beach and spread the hearts out on the sea. I never believed in such things as ‘if you pray enough it will happen’ and I still don’t. When you want to achieve something, you just have to work for it and praying won’t help. But at that moment I was lost and desperate. It made me see how much I wanted to have them close to me and I also realised, I couldn’t let them go. Not in this way.

Now my life is on track, I’m happy and yes, that one friend had stayed by my side. Why? -I don’t know. I wouldn’t if I was her, but I’m thankful she did anyway.

I really didn’t know what I had until it was gone.


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