Dear friend…

Dear friend,

as the end is near us, I’m afraid I won’t remember your face anymore. How you smile and your eyes twinkle. I have been waiting too long to let you in and when I finally have.. it’s might be too late. I know it hurts right now, but please be strong and hold your head up high. Someday, time will erase me from your mind and heart. And maybe that’s the best thing. But please forgive me for not willing to forget you. You’ve been and are that one friend I never thought I would come across ever in my life. You’ve changed it. Changed my views, my way of living and my dreams. You’ve changed me and simply for the better. I will hold every single memory closeby for I’m afraid I might lose them. Thank you, for being such an important part of my life.. even more so than you’d ever thought…
I just…  I dream of being free and independent; but most of all to start all over and forget every single person left in my life. I told you that and you know, but forgive me once more if I’m not able to let you go that easily. Forgive me if I want you to stay. I have not wanted to care for you. Ever. But it just happened and at this very moment, I’m not regretting it even one bit. Like I expected it to be, it hurts. It’s tiring and heavy on my shoulders. That’s why I didn’t want to care, to love or anything that came near that. And even so I gave more than I was willing to lose. But that was one time I wanted to risk being hurt and now I can’t get out. I cannot not care or feel hurt and lost. I tried to fix it; I failed. Now, I might care too much and surprisingly I don’t mind. 
Just live your life happily, with or without me. But I think you will. I know you will.

Love always,

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5 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    scott1421 said,

    Wow Great post! Maybe you can check out my post as well.

    http://jagurbiz21.wordpress.com/2009/02/20/pushbuttonpros/

  2. 2

    djcnor said,

    What do you mean by this post? Are you thinking of suicide? I’m a perfect stranger to you, but I chanced upon your post and am worried. Hold on. If you are depressed, please know that almost all depressions end within a year even if you receive no care, faster if you find a way to get some. There is so much more. Perhaps there was a higher being watching over you that I saw your post at all. Take care. I will be watching for a reply to ease my mind.

  3. 3

    I’m sorry I’ve caused any concern; it was not my intention. However, this was indeed a suicide-letter. One I’ve written two years back to a good friend of mine, but never really had the courage to actually give it to her. I had saved it as a draft and decided to post it up as I’ve started the ‘letter of my heart’ series of letters.

    I hope you’re less worried now and honestly I would like to thank you for your concern and that you actually took the time to give me a few words of encouragement. Thank you once again.

  4. 4

    djcnor said,

    Thank goodness. I’m very glad to hear this. And you’re welcome.

    The idea for a set of very intense letters in connection with your life is good, but do give folks a clue that they may not have to do with what’s going on in your life right now.

    I assume things are a lot better for you now. Right?

  5. 5

    I’m at this point in my life where I cannot help myself but strive for more and to become more as well. 🙂


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