Hard To Say Goodbye

It’s your dream. Something you’ve worked for your whole life. The reason you went to school for every single day.
It’s hard, but not everyone is granted with a chance like this. It’s right in front of you now and you shouldn’t let it slip out of your hands. I still have your sister and brother, they will take care of me. All my life I’ve been waiting for the day that you’ll be able to follow your dream.
So don’t worry, just go.

– Mom

My college is 2 ½ hours away from home taking the train. I began having doubts, about whether I should go away that far after all. My mom isn’t in good health and I worry that I won’t be home in time when something happens.
It was our first real talk. The first time she has given me advice on how to do it, leading me the way. I had many thoughts about it. Basically, you can say that I’m running away from my responsibilities of a daughter. I’m not taking care of her, instead I’ll leave it to my sister and brother.

However, mom. I’ll make you proud by achieving so many things you will never expect from me. I’ll give you a comfortable life, I promise. And I’m not breaking any more promises than I already had. Thank you~

Yesterday was the last official day in school. Rather than feeling happy and excited to enter a new world, I felt an overwhelming sensation of… sadness? Somehow leaving school didn’t feel that great when the moment finally came. It was the end and even though I’ve always looked forward to it, it came so abruptly that it hit me harder than I thought it would be.
We all gathered in town to spend ‘some time’ with each other I guess. We talked and laughed and were trying not to think of the exams. I spent a good hour with my friend alone and as expected, we had more fun than ever. It’s always like that isn’t it? When the end is coming near, time with the ones you care about start to become more precious and special. We really tried to avoid the subject ‘goodbye’, because we knew this would be one of our last times together. We won’t be able to see each other that often anymore, even if we wanted to.

The funny thing is, I’ve never expected myself to feel this way in the first place. That I’d… miss her…?
We were basically preparing to the ‘real’ goodbye. The real last time, the moment we would walk up to our teacher and receive our diploma. However, I haven’t prepared to feel this way so saying goodbye really is hard. I could tell she felt the same way. Even though we both were acting tough in front of each other, the moment when it came down to it we both became weak and maybe even scared to realise it is over.

140905 ❤

[And yes, it’s supposed to be ‘2014’ :] ♥ ]


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