Without You

Not very long ago this person was a huge part of my life. She was my friend. She was never there though and when she was that was only because I was the only one left. A substitute. Though I didn’t mind. I loved to spend every minute with her as through the years we’ve known each other I grew more and more attached to her. I was often the last one she’d greeted and sometimes she wouldn’t even greet at all and walk past me just like that. But how could I blame her. I was the one who wasn’t there in the first place. Afraid of losing her even more, I tried almost everything to have her staying. And not because she felt like it, but because of me. I wanted to be the first.
Finally that moment came when she was just there. Because I was fun to be around and helpful when needed. But then again there was someone else who was better.

I see her drift away more and more. Though she texts me once in a while, she doesn’t know half what’s going on in my life and I have no idea what she’s up to. And the fact that I find it not that bad at all scares me. I’m not wanting her to be around anymore, I don’t get excited when I see her name on my screen. Can friendship really change that quickly or is it because I’m no longer in need to hold on to someone ?

I’ll be a good friend and I’ll keep my promise. But I’m also starting to believe that she doesn’t want to be that big of a part of my life anyhow. She doesn’t seem to miss me. And because of that I’m going to stop missing her.

While you’ve always been my first, I’m never going to be yours. I’m sorry…

I give up.

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