Because I Just Have To Go

Do you know what my wish was everytime I saw that shiny star up in the sky? I wished to get out of here some day, to be more. Because I wasn’t happy. I tried really hard and I think for a moment I almost believed I was.

I’ve followed that same route home for the last 14 years and I’m still walking to the other side of the road to avoid words of humiliation. Little kids following me, mouthing words.. But that’s okay… they say that words don’t hurt right? Well, that has to be the biggest lie ever.

But here I am. I’m about to pack my bags to somewhere else, leaving this place – this life behind. I’m not saying the place I’m going to will bring me happiness – not at all. I’m just worn out because of this place. I’m not happy and it weakens me even more when I try to be happy. It may be the wrong decision, it may not be. But I’m going to take this jump for what it’s worth. It seems so surreal, but I’m finally doing it. My mom is proud of me, I know that. And I can’t be more thankful for having such a wonderful mother, respecting and supporting every little decision I make.

It’s not like I’m forgetting this life and will only know the new one though. This life that I have right now, no matter how many tears it had caused me, still is a part of me. I’m just leaving it behind;  closing this chapter of my story and ready to begin a new one.

High school friends, teachers, acquaintances, childhood friends… I won’t remember them. Some will remain beautifully in my memory though. Some I’ve truly loved and still do. However, this is life. I’ve made my choice, they made theirs. We happen to go seperate ways and we may never see each other again. It hurt so much when I first realized it, but now I’m used to it. It happens.

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